FLORINSHIRE — Wanted posters have gone up all over the land calling for the arrest of an adventure party responsible for the genocide of a local village's endangered giant rat population.

GAZA — The tables were turned on the infamous terrorist organization today, with horrified Hamas agreeing to a full and unconditional surrender to Israel if Europe would agree to take Greta Thunberg back.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Navy announced this morning that the USS Harvey Milk will be officially renamed the USS No Homo.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of a growing outcry over Trump's immigration policy, Democrats warned that deporting an illegal terrorist family could be a slippery slope to deporting other illegal terrorist families.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional Republicans have unveiled plans to continue doing the exact opposite of what everyone voted for them to do.