BAGHDAD — Following the death of former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney, Iraqi government officials finally admitted they actually did have weapons of mass destruction this whole time.

PHOENIX, AZ — New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has officially been named this year's top U-Haul salesman, ending a record-breaking five-year streak from California Governor Gavin Newsom.

NEW YORK, NY — In a reversal of yesterday's announcement, Rockstar Games revealed that the hotly anticipated Grand Theft Auto VI is, in fact, available now. Rockstar President and co-founder Sam Houser confirmed that the game was finally completed and ready for digital download immediately — unfortunately, the trumpet of God has sounded and everyone is now out of time.